Counting Days in Panic

Yesterday I just realized that there are only 19 days left before I depart to Birmingham (18 days left today!) and I started to feel weird things in my stomach which translated into panic. I consulted to my boyfriend and he casually said that it wasn’t panic, it was excitement. Well, maybe I’m excited too, yes, but the panic is definitely real too. There are still plenty of things I haven’t set in place and hence the panic. I mean, how am I suppose to pack a whole year of my life into a big and a cabin-sized suitcases?!

It might sounds a tad exaggerating given the facts that 1.) this is not my first time going away from home so I should’ve had more experiences and thus be able to relax and 2.) I’m going to a more developed country so I shouldn’t be too anxious. However, 1.) this is my first time moving abroad so, it’s obviously way different than moving to Jogja and Batam, the amount of preparations should be more than my usual pre-departure routine; 2.) I just realized YESTERDAY that there are still a lot of stuffs that I need to bring from Indo and I haven’t buy them yet and also there are still some things I need to research to ensure a smooth transition and I hadn’t done that either. Hence, again, the panic.

Thankfully, though, the panic doesn’t overshadow the excitement of my moving to Birmingham. It’s been my dreams for years to experience living in another foreign country, in the UK to be exact. Almost every important things are already in its places. Visa approved, house rented, tickets book, I just need to get my shit together and prepare the other small things before the D day. I know I can pull this together. Wish me luck! xx

About Getting Married

I’ve finally reached the age when question like “When are you getting married?” is not at all inappropriate anymore. Seriously, once my boss asked me this question and when I giggled as the response, he add “What? Why? You’re an adult, not a kid anymore, it’s a normal question to ask.” Christ, he was right. I am an adult and I have to realize that more of that kinda question is coming my way. He was not entirely right, though, because it’s quite a personal matter to discuss and some people might still find it inappropriate to ask, regardless of their being adults. But, we, I especially, have to accept the fact that we live in Indonesia, where the society thinks it’s okay to snoop around other people’s business. People will not think it’s weird to ask people they only slightly know when they’re getting married, what are their religions, when they’re going to have kids, etc. So we might as well prepare for it, right?

Anyway that’s the least annoying marriage-related question there is. Some people can get so inconsiderate to ask the following question (it’s more like a statement, really): “Why don’t you get married? Aren’t you afraid to fall into free sex trap? Don’t you want to have kids?” Whoa whoa, shut the front door, people. So, are you saying that the main reason you get married is just to get laid and to procreate? So you rush into marriage just to avoid free sex? I feel sorry for that kind of people. I really do feel sorry, for they think so lowly about marriage. Let’s talk about the sex first and no, I won’t talk from the “moral” perspective since it’s highly subjective matter and it’s not really my place to talk about it. But let’s talk about it rationally, using our (supposedly) evolved brains. If you rush into marriage just to get laid or to avoid free sex, what if the sex turns out to be not as good as you though it would be? What if you’re unhappy with your spouse? What if you find out later that you and your spouse have nothing in common, except the shared belief to get married just to avoid free sex? I mean come on, you’re really dishonoring the concept of marriage if you just see it as a way to “legalize” you to have sex.

Second, about the breeding purpose. Why so single-mindedly thinking that everyone who gets married wants to have children? What if they don’t want to have children? Or what if they want but can’t? If your sole purpose to get married is merely to produce offspring, it will crush you (and your marriage) if you can’t have one. Most of the time married couple use their kids as the glue that keep the marriage intact, that doesn’t seem like a happy marriage for me.

But hey, what do I know, right? I’m just an unmarried 20-something who just observing a rising phenomenon about marriage. But if you ask me, I see marriage as a union between two people who love each other and want to spend the rest of their life together, without anything to do with what the society perceived to be “right”. And when I do it I’d do it because I want to, because I’ve decided that I want to wake up to him every single morning, not just because the sex or the need to have offspring (hell, I’m not even sure if I want to have one-but that’s another story). So, if you ask me when will I get married, the answer is; it’s still a long way to go 🙂

Professional Student

Working in a multinational company had always been my dream since I first worked for my final thesis in the university. One of the reason was because I’ve always wanted to get more international exposure. I want to be a part of international community because I have always seen myself as an International citizen and that’s what I deserve. The other reason was, as shallow as it might sound, I heard it pays well and that’s every fresh graduate’s dream! Little did I know everything comes with a price (Duh, seriously, Dee could you be more naive?)

I had began applying for job even while I was still working on my thesis, because I wanted to enter the working environment as soon as I graduate. The first company I tried was, well, a quite well-known multinational company from fast-moving consumer goods industry. I went so far, I even got to the final interview with the Managers. But I was so unprepared that I kept blaming myself several months after they announced that I didn’t get it.

It was not the last multinational company I applied to. I had written pages of cover letters, submitted numerous applications, followed tiring and long procedures, and gone to plenty of interviews, but none of them succeed, even three months after my graduation. I even came to conclusion that I wasn’t good enough to work in a multinational company. There were so much pressures on me and I got tired and depressed. Thankfully I have such a great supporting boyfriend who kept encouraging me throughout the process. Then there was this one company, my mother had mentioned this several times because her friends used to work there. It wasn’t all bad, although it’s by definition not so well-known but it’s still a multinational company and the job descriptions seemed challenging, so I applied and I got it.

The job was indeed challenging because I was literally thrown into the deep end. No MT program, no established training, I just go with my boss’ instructions. Even though I had trouble fitting in with the environment at first, but I could say that I enjoy the tasks, because I get to apply what I had learned in university while also gaining some new knowledge as well. But then the working hours went crazy, one time I had to stay until 1 a.m, the other time until 6 a.m, with a lot of unpaid overtime in between. Some people told me that’s it’s nothing compared to …i’m not sure, they just said that it’s nothing. Maybe compared to working in hell? Anyway, I just couldn’t keep up with it anymore. It’s not that I’m lazy or anything but I just feel like the juice doesn’t worth the squeeze. I know that work-life balance is just a myth, but hey, I don’t even have a life and it’s risking my health. I like the job, really, but some things are just too unreasonable that it made me think maybe working in a multinational company is not my cup of tea. Or maybe just this company that doesn’t go with my style. Either way, I can’t continue doing this. But then it stroke me, if this isn’t my thing, then what is? I don’t know what I want to do in my life and that’s terrifying.

I know I enjoy studying more than working so in the meantime I’m aspiring to be a professional student. Thankfully, the plan seems to work (read here). If everything goes smoothly I will become a student again (ok, professional student) by September next year! It doesn’t solve the problem, though. As much as I hope that I can get paid by just studying, I can’t be a professional student forever. I still don’t know what I want to do in life. Maybe I will figure it out after I finish my master degree, maybe sooner. Heaven knows. But at least, for now, I know what I don’t want to do. And that’s enough. For now.