Needless to say, 2018 betrays me. It betrays me good. It started with a real promise that it would be a great year. It started really great indeed, I seemed to get everything I want and things are falling into its places. I should have remembered that getting what you what always come with strings attached.
2018 started out really nice, I got relocated to my hometown. Everything is well. I got to reunite with my family again, staying in my own room, no more long distance relationship with my boyfriend and best friends, got a great position career-wise, and money was really good.
Then everything began falling apart. It mostly came from work. But let’s be honest it also came from within. It turns out I haven’t truly got a grip of a good mental balance. I crumbled, breakdowns after breakdowns. Fortunately, I was still able to get out before it got worse (I couldn’t imagine it gets any worse, tho) and seek help.
I’m not gonna dwell on the negatives, but I won’t pretend that I got everything back to its place. Things are pretty much still a mess but I’m starting to pick up the pieces. I’m not healed, I know I won’t for many more years, but I learned. I learned that life is never going to get easier and it gives no mercy. So, maybe 2018 was actually doing me a favor.
2018 was a fan of tough love and it taught me really hard. I hate it but on the other part of my brain, I like to think it is molding me. Maybe I learn something this year that will help me in the years to come. Maybe.
Despite the shitstorm, I reserve a tiny space to be grateful for the love and support of my loved ones. I haven’t been the easiest to deal with this year but they stay. I may fail in many other things but I know I’m winning at surrounding myself with a great inner circle, a true support system. And for that I remain grateful, I will always be.
I’m no longer placing my hope on a year to be great. I’m placing my hope on myself. I know despite the catastophe these past couple years has dump on me, I still got a tiny piece of that brave tough girl in me. I won’t make a list of resolutions this time because my last resolutions, albeit being really great, ended up being forgotten. But I have one determination and that is to resurrect that brave tough girl and she will weather the storm that is this adult life. We will.
See you next year..